Matthew 10:11-14 (NIV)
“Whatever town or village you enter, search there for some worthy person and stay at their house until you leave. As you enter the home, give it your greeting. If the home is deserving, let your peace rest on it; if it is not, let your peace return to you. If anyone will not welcome you or listen to your words, leave that home or town and shake the dust off your feet .”
As queer folk, and trans folk especially, we find ourselves having to choose our friends and allies carefully for our safety and mental health, and even having to leave behind those we thought we could trust. But how do we do this as Christians, a people called to show love and kindness to all? It’s a difficult question, one I’m sure most have wrestled with at one time or another; after all, how can we love our neighbour if we cannot bear to spend time with them? However, there is an answer in the words of Jesus given to his disciples, as they prepared to set out into the world to spread the Gospel. We are all called to spread God’s word, but part of that is living the truths of our natures, too, and in turn showing that God loves us, too.
In Matthew 10:11-14, Jesus instructs the disciples – and us – in how to approach a new environment. First, in verse 11, he tells them to find out who in the town is worthy to stay with. This seems almost judgemental, but rather it is savvy. We are called to be innocent, not naïve, and the world can be a dangerous place. The people we choose to share space with are important, both as a matter of safety and as a matter of mental and spiritual health. Those we live with can help or hinder us in our development and relationship with God, and even hurt or kill us. In verse 12 we are told to greet the occupants; it is vitally important to be polite.
Things get interesting in verses 13 and 14, and relevant to the question at hand. We are told that if the home is worthy, we should let our peace rest on it, and if not, to let it return to us, and that if we are not welcome, we should shake the dust from our feet as we leave. Note, most importantly, that it is acceptable to leave. If we are not made welcome, if the Word we spread is unheeded, we are not required to stay.
It is easy to fall into the trap of thinking that it is our job to change people, and that we must stay on and struggle through in order for people to hear us. It is not. It is not our job to convince; we are merely messengers. Changes of heart and mind are between the other person and God, and we cannot force anything – any apparent forced change of belief is, at best, a desire to please us and at worst done out of fear rather than a true conviction. And so, when we are unwelcome, we let our peace return to us. What does that mean? What is peace, exactly?
Is peace lack of conflict? Anyone who has sat in a room with people who find them abhorrent but are too polite to face them and say so will tell you otherwise.
Is peace victory? A war of ideas cannot truly be won. There will always be resentment for the “winner”, secretly or otherwise.
Is peace in surrender? Absolutely not, in this case. Letting your deepest-held morals and ideas fall by the wayside in order to appease someone else will only cause you harm.
And so, we let our peace return to us – by letting go. It is neither victory nor surrender. It is accepting that we have done our job and done all we can, and the responsibility is no longer on us. It is giving the people that disrespected us, harmed us or simply didn’t listen over to God.
Finally, Jesus tells us to shake the dust from our feet as we leave. This is a gesture that, at that point, was most commonly practiced by Jewish people as they left a Gentile town. It is symbolic, showing that the dust – practices and attitudes regarded as not in line with the law of God – was shaken off by the person, and would not stick to them. It indicates a separation from those people being left behind. It is not necessarily disrespectful; the person shaking off the dust is simply affirming that they are not the same as those they are leaving.
When we have been hurt by those we have extended trust to it is easy to find ourselves believing that we are just as bad, and it is not uncommon to find ourselves repeating the things they said or did, either to our own selves or mimicking them with those around us. But that is not us, and it is not our fault. It does fall to us not to carry on those things, but it is not inevitable. We are also asked to shake the dust off our feet if they will not heed our words – and that absolutely includes the good word that we as queer folk are equally loved by God and just as worthy of kindness and respect, whether that means respecting our orientations, our relationships or our identity, in words and deeds. We are not just allowed to move on, but encouraged to do so.
“Whatever town or village you enter, search there for some worthy person and stay at their house until you leave. As you enter the home, give it your greeting. If the home is deserving, let your peace rest on it; if it is not, let your peace return to you. If anyone will not welcome you or listen to your words, leave that home or town and shake the dust off your feet .”
As queer folk, and trans folk especially, we find ourselves having to choose our friends and allies carefully for our safety and mental health, and even having to leave behind those we thought we could trust. But how do we do this as Christians, a people called to show love and kindness to all? It’s a difficult question, one I’m sure most have wrestled with at one time or another; after all, how can we love our neighbour if we cannot bear to spend time with them? However, there is an answer in the words of Jesus given to his disciples, as they prepared to set out into the world to spread the Gospel. We are all called to spread God’s word, but part of that is living the truths of our natures, too, and in turn showing that God loves us, too.
In Matthew 10:11-14, Jesus instructs the disciples – and us – in how to approach a new environment. First, in verse 11, he tells them to find out who in the town is worthy to stay with. This seems almost judgemental, but rather it is savvy. We are called to be innocent, not naïve, and the world can be a dangerous place. The people we choose to share space with are important, both as a matter of safety and as a matter of mental and spiritual health. Those we live with can help or hinder us in our development and relationship with God, and even hurt or kill us. In verse 12 we are told to greet the occupants; it is vitally important to be polite.
Things get interesting in verses 13 and 14, and relevant to the question at hand. We are told that if the home is worthy, we should let our peace rest on it, and if not, to let it return to us, and that if we are not welcome, we should shake the dust from our feet as we leave. Note, most importantly, that it is acceptable to leave. If we are not made welcome, if the Word we spread is unheeded, we are not required to stay.
It is easy to fall into the trap of thinking that it is our job to change people, and that we must stay on and struggle through in order for people to hear us. It is not. It is not our job to convince; we are merely messengers. Changes of heart and mind are between the other person and God, and we cannot force anything – any apparent forced change of belief is, at best, a desire to please us and at worst done out of fear rather than a true conviction. And so, when we are unwelcome, we let our peace return to us. What does that mean? What is peace, exactly?
Is peace lack of conflict? Anyone who has sat in a room with people who find them abhorrent but are too polite to face them and say so will tell you otherwise.
Is peace victory? A war of ideas cannot truly be won. There will always be resentment for the “winner”, secretly or otherwise.
Is peace in surrender? Absolutely not, in this case. Letting your deepest-held morals and ideas fall by the wayside in order to appease someone else will only cause you harm.
And so, we let our peace return to us – by letting go. It is neither victory nor surrender. It is accepting that we have done our job and done all we can, and the responsibility is no longer on us. It is giving the people that disrespected us, harmed us or simply didn’t listen over to God.
Finally, Jesus tells us to shake the dust from our feet as we leave. This is a gesture that, at that point, was most commonly practiced by Jewish people as they left a Gentile town. It is symbolic, showing that the dust – practices and attitudes regarded as not in line with the law of God – was shaken off by the person, and would not stick to them. It indicates a separation from those people being left behind. It is not necessarily disrespectful; the person shaking off the dust is simply affirming that they are not the same as those they are leaving.
When we have been hurt by those we have extended trust to it is easy to find ourselves believing that we are just as bad, and it is not uncommon to find ourselves repeating the things they said or did, either to our own selves or mimicking them with those around us. But that is not us, and it is not our fault. It does fall to us not to carry on those things, but it is not inevitable. We are also asked to shake the dust off our feet if they will not heed our words – and that absolutely includes the good word that we as queer folk are equally loved by God and just as worthy of kindness and respect, whether that means respecting our orientations, our relationships or our identity, in words and deeds. We are not just allowed to move on, but encouraged to do so.